a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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