Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
