I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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