my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
