tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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