3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
