if i can run in heels then i can drive
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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