He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
