Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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