This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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