seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
