literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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