Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
