Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
