I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
