I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
