my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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