It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
