just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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