don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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