Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
