My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
