I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
