id be glad to
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
