What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
