You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
