Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Damn victory sex feels great
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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