The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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