i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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