STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
