Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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