I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had sex on a roof
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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