Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
