yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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