Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
