Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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