since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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