eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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