Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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