dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
