Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
