I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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