My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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