Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
