yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
