Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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