I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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