I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
