I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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