well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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